Tokenblackchick

Balling on Budget

2009-07-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Lately I've made a few changes in my lifestyle to save some money. these changes mostly involve my eating and drinking habits, because i'm a lush.

stop eating after 8pm

-sometimes i work until 11pm

breakfast = smoothie

-easy to stockpile frozen berries, bananas are cheap, yogurt is cheap & honey is good for you

replace beer with cheap wine

-a glass of red wine a day is good for you right?

eat the largest meal of the day during lunch

eat half of a meal when going out

-less calories, less ass fat, more to eat later

bring only 20 bucks to trader joes

-i have a problem when i go here. i could buy the entire store

snack = smoothie

no more happy hour

- the end of being a lush

geez i hope these things work.

The Big Chop!

2009-06-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

ok maybe.

but not really.

if i claim this new-do to be a big chop millions of twa's (teenie weenie afro's) would have my neck.

i've finally taken the big plunge to chop off my hair. i have been threatening to do this for about 3 years now, ever since i decided to stop relaxing my hair. the result? meh. i mean, its not amazing, but i have to live with it. i need to figure out how to style and manage my hair and to keep up my sexy status!

more than anything its a freeing feeling.

i love having the hair off of my back but i will miss the swing if nothing else. many people question my 'blackness' if you will and even joke about the fact that i call myself the tokenblakchick. i think its funny! but yes i'm black, even african american and i just went natural. you can't be white and do that. right?

its going to be a struggle.

its going to be irritating.

its going to make my stronger.

its going to make me more independent.

and yes, i'm psyching myself up right now.

kiss my ass.

New Favorite Pastime

2009-02-16T22:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had hookah?

Its quite possibly the most enjoyable hobby that I have. If you you can call that a hobby I guess.

Over the past few years I have discovered that hookah has many elements involved. You have to have the right amount of water, good tobacco, the right coals and of course the appropriate company. Sometimes the company thing really doesn't come through. Sometimes you end up sitting on your couch, drinking an entire bottle of white wine while watching How I Met Your Mother. Its not so bad. Its actually like having a party in your face that you watch go by very very v-e-r-y slowly.

The head rush that you get from the hookah is unlike anything else. It is a sure thing after enough hits and a lot of very deep breaths. Its like a guaranteed good time and I plan on indulging in it over and over again for the rest of my life. If nothing else I can collect hookahs and keep them on the mantle of my house.... when the market gets better and I am able to buy one!

2009-02-06T22:32:00.000-08:00

happy new year

I'm the luckiest fucking girl alive.

Dumb

2008-10-13T23:11:00.001-07:00

He told me that he loved me so much that it's DUMB. ain't that about a bitch! I think it's funny, true and mutual no doubt, but definitly funny!I'm not sure it's what either of us had in mind buy it seems to working out as best as it can. I can't say I'm the luckiest broad in the hood...but I'm pretty damn close;-)!

motivation

2008-10-02T15:19:00.000-07:00

candice always motivates me to do a slight update to my sad excuse of a blog. i have many things to say and too silly to actually put it down guess...

today... i went to target and as usual they fucked me out of my money. like everyone else in the world i go in there to get towels, a shredder, sponges, soap deodorant, toothpaste & a gift for the BF...

i come out with clothes, boots, food, a book and everything on my list...

i'm proud that i was even able to get everything that i had planned on getting without fail. my only short coming was the extra 150 that i spent in bullshit. but at least i have boots now right?

yeah right...b/c boots are that important to my life. and if they weren't before they are going to have to be now...

i'm going to go shred the shit out of something now....

I"m kinda bored with the morning

2008-07-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

I should be getting ready to go to work. But I don't wanna. Here's the thing when u are the only boss and there really isn't anyone above u within the store u kinda make up the rules as u go. So today i am still laying in bed typing instead of getting in the shower preparing to apply the look for this week to my face. Omg I cannot wait to not have to wear make up for three hole days. I probably will anyway but the sheer thought of not HAVING TO makes me smile.

Ugh bakersfield....this will be interesting. BUT at the same time i don't have to go to work, I don't have to manage a store, i don't have to assist people. I'm pretty jazzed about that.

Obviously I'm no good at this.

2008-07-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

Its not like I remember that I have this ting often. Its supposed to be a way for me to get my aggression out about my life but maybe I just don't have that much aggression...

Maybe be I am really happy and have no reason to complain about a damn thing. So instead why don't I celebrate what is good with my life.

More than likely....I'm happier than u. I'm not gloating i'm just stating a fact. i've reached a point where I do'nt sweat the small shit and enjoy the silly and the simplest things in life. Like....getting fat. Yup i like food and fuck yes I like drank. So unfortunately I've put on the pounds that make my momma go "WTF Mate"? I'm kinda sorta proud of it really. Its amazing that I've bee able to put on any weight being that I don't eat very often. But oh well...a couple for frozen Eating Right meals from Safeway will put me back in my rightful size of 0-4 as opposed to 4-6. i'm too short to be big man i swear. it aint right. Once I can't fit into my favorite pair of jeans we have a problem.

Other things.

I need a fucking roommate. i found this one girl who i thought would be perfect but she rather live in a shoe box for 200 less. Yes I understand that you just got a speeding ticket and u don't have a job yet. Yes it is probably better for the both of us since u aren't financially stable...but damn. U used to make cupcakes for a living. I mean I could have knocked 50 bucks off rent for a weekly batch of the frosted goodness. So now, wit the first steadily approaching and the economy going down the tubes, I will probably have to pay my rent in full.....yet again. ::sigh:: I don't even want to discuss what my balance is telling me. It sounds something like...'slit ur wrists girl, get hit by a car girl," and my favorite, "call in to work broke."

But I digress I was going to talk about the good things right? Like how my manager today put me up on game about something good that could possibly be coming my way. That definitely makes me smile. Its one thing to think that you are good at what you do and its another to have ur direct report who really doesn't talk to u much, notice it too. I still love my job. I still love my company, I am sad to see that my manager had to transfer for her own personal sanity. I hope she does well in her new endeavours. She is an amazing person. Working with her was quite possibly the best and most productive 3 months that I've ever had. I learned a lot and I'm pretty damn thankful for that. BUT i refuse to tell her b/c her head is big enough!

Jeez I'm hungry and that boy needs to really build that teleportation device so he can get to and from my house quicker. Plus it would make me the Gf to a millionaire. i mean dam that couldn't hurt could it?

Oh how things change

2008-03-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

Things are definitely not the same as they were about i dunno six months ago/ New found singledom... THANK GOD! New found single living occupancy! New found life really. And much of this will be taken away from me shortly.

I have the this problem. Where I'm too good at things and cause me to excel professionally even if its to a place that I wasn't planning to be in. But hey, I finally get to join the rest of the humanrace in being a salaried employee. I finally get a 'real job' as they say. but I think some people would say that working in retail isn't necessarily a real job. Then I would tell them to eff of and attempt to do it them selves. B/c let me tell you it aint all sunshines and rainbows when you are working with people. People not only suck but they lie too. Its ppl like me that make them smile and turn fugly into fabulous everyday ;-)

I'm finally going to be the specialist of my own store... aka... Assistant Manager! Its very nice. yes I must move from my very comfy store that I help raise with my own two hands but you know what.... thats cool. Its not like I haven't been moved before. But I do want to come into the new position looking and feeling polished and perfect. i don't want to have to shank anyone one sight j/k! No but seriously I have to be excited. I may have to move unfortunately but hey its all apart of the job I guess. I do hate that I won't be able to see mister as much but thats cool. Its probably a good thing that we haven't made anything official then huh? Otherwise this could be a bad thing. The support that having a mister provides is wonderful but its not everything.

THere isn't much else that is new in my life really I'm still in school and barely going. Its ridiculous really. especially since I'm going to have to really buckle down soon. My sister did have a baby. Gabriele Lamae Saldago. Pretty lil mixed baby. Peurto Rican & Black. She's going to be a knock out and I'm finally an auntie. I'm so excited I don't know what to do!

iphone price cut

2007-09-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

You know I feel bad for the Hundreds of Thousands of ppl that bought the iphone initially. First of all...it didn't work. it wasn't even activated...DAMN! then once they got it all they did was complain and thats just sad.

the amount of technology that goes behind making a product such as the iphone is amazing. apple has come so far from those lil 3 by 5 inch screens that sis a couple of things. they are now the leading company in portable data. a market that they alone created and dominated .

never the less...i wnat one. but u know who wants one more than me.... my mother. its so bad that she wants me to get one before her so i can show her how to use it and to get the most use out of it. i find that mildly disturbing. i should be hitting her up for the money for an iphone. meanwhile she is begging me for one.. pretty awesome.

but my mom's hella cool i must admit. thanks to her i will be getting an iphone and afamily plan as well. which is great b/c personally i dont use a lot of my minutes and the majority of them are spent talking to my mom best friend and boyfriend.

congrats apple. u kick ass. when i grow up i want to be u. untill then i will by the iphone and feel like the coolest person EVER!

2007-09-07T19:39:00.001-07:00

never have i thought i could be so scared for another in my life. i felt so helpless. i still do. things will change.

2007-07-25T12:14:00.001-07:00

things get semi better but they rarely change.

2007-07-19T14:51:00.001-07:00

maybe its harderest b/c the rock that i've alwaays had has eluded e. maybe its harder b/c i would rather not deal with things than deal with them. maybe its harder b/c i choose to forget the things that he wants me to remember.

I'm not one to live in regret or live in the past. I see the mistakes that I've made and instead of wallowing in them I try not to make them again. I don't bring them up, I don't dwell...I move on. I had a choice a long time ago, it was between living in the past or going day to day towards the present. I chose the latter. I've never regretted that dicision but at the same time, many people can't understand someone who makes a decision like that in the circumstances that i was in.

That decision saved my life and those around me. I've always believed that and I will stick by that decision until proven that it was wrong.

2007-07-19T01:13:00.001-07:00

its not fair, nothing is really fair...

2007-07-18T09:25:00.001-07:00

A relationship between a Taurus and a Sagittarius isn't easy, that's for sure. You move slower than goal-oriented Sagittarius. In some cases, your no-nonsense personality can inject your Sagittarian lover with much-needed stability, practicality and focus. In many others, though, you end up looking like a big old party per who is dragging down your more adventurous partner. When you two hook up, the restless archer will either settle down for good, or get bored and point that arrow in the direction of bigger dreams and greener pastures instead.

2007-07-17T19:29:00.001-07:00

Always second. Never first. Nerver a prority ony and after thought. Silent conversations. Hidden messages. Theres nothing that I can change.

the pursuit of unhappyness

2007-07-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I end up end the same position twice a month. Every month I have to deal with a patch of unhappiness. I don't know how long its going to last or where its going. All i know is how it began.

How can someone ask you to tell them more things when all they do is turn it back upon you? What good does that do? It definitely doesn't make me want to tell you any thing. Matter a fact it makes me have to walk on eggshells around you all times. Meanwhile your enjoying life, so it seems, and I'm hurting on the inside. I'm just not happy. I don't know how to be. Two days ago you disappeared. But I guess my concern didn't phase you, b/c you did it again. How is it supposed to work when you do things like this. One day I'm going to be in an accident and you aren't going to be there. One day your going to wake up and realize how your pettiness has effected everything. how everything is more about you. Its only about me when u allow it to be.

I personally don't know how much longer I will be able to deal with this. I don't have hobbies I only have two friends. yet your hobbies come before me and I've allowed that b/c everyone needs something to keep them occupied. But their frequency has increased, immensely. As of now Mondays are taken up as well as Tuesdays. Fridays are out as well. So now its at your Discretion.... If you ever felt that way before, tell me what were the circumstances? School? I tried to include you and you threw what I said in my face. So whats the point. Make me want you enough so you can throw what I say in my face. Use my words against me?

or is it something else? What is it really is it some one ore some thing else?

I pump my relationship as if it were exactly what I want when in actuality its pretty far from it. I want someone who cares when I've had a bad day and tries to do something about it. Asks me about my day and actually cares. Wants to know whats really going on. Surprises me every now and again b/c he thinks about me that much. Picks up the phone when I call. Actually listens, doesn't smoke. etc. basically does the same things for me that i do for him.

Thats all.

But it will never happen.

right now i'm in the position where i'm too deep to say no. too deep to turn back. i also expect too much to give up. i rather have the one being quitted than actually quit.

2007-06-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

Graduation is over and summer is beginning. @ the same time, its over cast and I'm bored at home nursing my rare hang over.

I have news. I'm quitting my job at Peet's. Great company, it means well i swear. It just wont be able to accommodate me in the event of me moving or moving up. I got scouted for the first time in my life. At an H & M for crying out loud. But it has turned out well. I'm becoming a floor leader at the new Sephora that is opening @ Bay Street in Emeryville. Exciting. Its like the mother ship has called me home and asked me to ride shotgun.

The logic behind such a move is the long run. Sephora as a company is in a very different place in life than Peets. its younger, its growing faster. Its gotten rid of the small business mentality and are more concentrated on growth. Thus more job opportunities for yours truly....nuff said

2007-05-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

Digging the new do! It's freeing and happy!

:-D

Great News!

2007-05-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

No I haven't not completed not one final! I'm hella cool!

BUT I did get my hair cut for the first time in my life my hair is not able to be pulled back into a ponytail! I absolutely love it! Its fresh and modern and original all at the same time. I love the fact that Peter, the hairdresser, was so amazingly creative. we discussed a few ideas and the current problems that I have been having with my hair and he just went at it. snip snip snip! It took quite a bit of work being that my hair is so thick. Plus when you have hair like mine you aren't able to make a mistake and call it ok. because this mess does not grow back quickly. you make a mistake and the whole thing is done for. Thankfully he understood this and took his time. Matter a fact he actually blew my hair dry.. something that is seemingly impossible to me. Not only was it blown dry but it was straight and nice and manageable! :-) I'm quite happy with the non corporate hair cut that I received and I think this kid is amazing. He actually wants to work with my hair and use me as a hair model, since he based my cut on an idea and inspiration from a Vidal Sassoon ad..

::sigh::

Finals

2007-05-04T21:22:00.001-07:00

You know sometimes I wonder if teachers have a heart at all. i know that they think that their class is the best new thing since evaporated cane sugar but OMG. I have 3 papers due this Tues... not I dont have the best work ethic in the world...I dont have the best study habits.. but what I do have is instinct and the ability to BS like no other. I have these papers assigned to me this past tuesday with the hopes that they will be turned in on the following tues..

why why why??

is it too much to ask for to get some damn deadlines or to at least warn us that the final will be passes out on this day so prepare yourself. It snot even like I was able to take any sancitoned time off for this because i had no notice. no fair none at all.

:-(

2007-04-19T23:19:00.000-07:00

it comes down to two things. me and you. i've come to the conclusion that its not my fault. that i have done nothing but coddle you and try to be everything that you could ever want me to be. event hough i've been tryign to be there for you and to be the person that you need me to be. u can't even tell me if u need me let alone want me. asking a person that they can come over if htey want, is not expressing a want at all. matter a fact it leaves the decision up to the person whom u are asking instead. i want to be wanted. even if we spend days apart i want to know that u want me. i cant say that i get that from u. instead if i'm not around u evey day i basically feel as though i dont exist in your world. its not as if you actually plan things for us to do. u pick up the calls from ur friends who want to smoke and play magic but not me. u will call them and see what they are up to but not me. so does that mean that u are in capeable of holding a conversation with me?or is it that i no longer interest you.

i'm going to take the latter position at the moment.

if i'm not wanted then why be a round. it old u before that i felt like u didn't want me or need me. u did nothing with that, u didn't address it or even comment on it. so yet again. i feel neglected. i just dont understand how this is so hard for you. u know that u are difficult and yet u refuse to calm that down at all. ur a jealous person who doesn't believe a word that i say. really helpful in a relationship. u make plans and try to execute them without giving me the slightest idea of the itinerary yet you get up set if they aren't exactly how you want them...not fair. at the same time u do the exact same thing to me and i let it go. inappropriate. step back from ur own perspective and try to see someone elses. try to understand that there is another problem that is waaaaaaaaaaaay bigger than me going to see the docter. u assume things and believe them to be true without ever asking me. so basically u upset urself. and everything that u have ever assumed has been wrong. frankly its been the exact opposite of how things really are. yet u continue to do it.

i dont understand it i never will. i might as well throw in the towel early b/c u aren't making any strides to fix a damn thing.

2007-04-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today was supposed to be a good day. And it was, until it ended.

I've always been a strong person. ON who could speak up for herself and never let anything or anyone get in her way. I also used to have high self esteem and confidence no matter who I'm with. I dont get to say that anymore. Actually I can't say much of anything anymore.

I'm not sure if all people are capeable of change. I know that I am only because in the past I have. Living the life that was handed to me kind of gave me no choice. At the same time some people, most people arn't. Instead they anticipate you to change for them and they continue to do more of the same. OMG I need to dance, I need something of my own. Something thats not drinking and going out.

I shouldn't have to guess

2007-04-11T21:47:00.000-07:00

Following in the footsteps of my nonexistent study partner of the day Adrina, I have created a blogger. For it was her procrastination tool that I will now adopt being that I've actually completed a bit of school work today.

In the past this has only become a rant and rave about the things that not only suck in life but exactly how they suck. This time a round it will be come a bit more balanced. A recap of both the good and the bad! A bit of balance if you will. With this, it may be completely possible to have that discourse that I've been looking for that hasn't necessarily been fulfilled by the people I call my friends. But thats another story.
As the infamous Mario would say....

Here we go!